Trigun Attacks:Various Anime
by AngelDragon
Summary: A/U Just a strange look at fave anime1:Eva.Gone Wrong,2:Akazukin Vash,3:Inu Vasha,4:Trigun Bebop,5:CardCaptor Vashura,6:Pokeplushies?,7:Outlaw Stunned,8:Gundam What?,9:Vashu Saga(W&V shonen-ai,language&absurdity abound)
1. Evangelion Gone Wrong

Trigun Attacks..Evangelion an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. (But I'm not afraid to admit that I DO own this bizarre story ^_^)  
  
Notes/Warnings: Oh, I wish I could say this was drug induced.. (actually, I think this came from insomnia,too much caffeine and a very vivid imagination)Oh well.  
  
I apologize if anyone came up with something like this already (there's probably some form of parody-thing out there somewhere). I just love making fun of my favorite anime series ^_^  
  
Oh, yeah and there's shonen-ai in here, too, featuring Vash & Wolfwood (my two fave Trigun bishis). If you don't like that idea, sorry, that's how it is in this fic (though it's not graphic,just silly)  
  
This is just the first one in this series (and I have lots more material), so I hope you enjoy!  
  
Favorite Vash quote:'Death and Poverty like me so much, they brought friends! Not to mention the Insurance Girls!' Current Songs in my head:'She Frickin' Hates Me' by Puddle of Mud (I think that's who does it, anyway) and 'You Know You're Right' by Nirvana.  
  
  
  
Trigun Attacks..Evangelion  
  
(Vash and Wolfwood appear on the usual blank, white 'screen/stage', Wolf looking understandably confused)  
  
Wolf: What is this crap?  
  
Vash: It's a story. ^_^. A parody story, Nick! This ought to be fun.  
  
Wolf: (grumbling) Like a shot in the ass.  
  
Vash: You'd better be nice, Nick, or the author'll get ticked at you.  
  
Wolf: Whadda you mean, Tongari? What 'author'?  
  
Vash: (starry-eyed) Angel-san! Looky, the script! (plops into Vash's hands, who reads a bit)Ooo, cool, we're doing Evangelion! I love that one!  
  
Wolf: What are we doing this for?  
  
Vash: (hugging script like a plushie)'Cause the author likes Eva as much as she likes our show,that's why.I love being a favorite!  
  
Wolf:What,we're toys now?Hell no!Fan-girl can count me out.(starts to leave) Author:Chotto matte,Nicholas,I'm not done with this story yet.  
  
Wolf:Forget it,onna! I'm gonna go get 'faced in the nearest bar,ja ne!  
  
(suddenly finds himself unable to move,chained to Vash's ankle)  
  
Wolf:The hell?!Hey,you can't do this!  
  
Author:Yes I can.I am Kami in this series,my little bishi.  
  
Wolf:(growls)Bull!C'mon,Tongari!(tries to leave,jerking Vash off his feet in the process)  
  
Vash:But I wanna be in the story! And that hurt! (rubs at his wounded pride)  
  
Author:Why can't you follow Vash-chan's example and have some fun?  
  
Wolf:Bite me!(starts dragging Vash along,ignoring his protests)  
  
  
  
(suddenly,Wolfwood stops and looks down to scream)  
  
Wolf:What the hell did you DO to me?!( finding himself wearing a dress like Misato's.Vash is giggling his head off)  
  
Vash:(snickering)Nice legs,Nick!  
  
Wolf:Cram it,Tongari!Get me outta this thing!  
  
Author:But Nicky-chan,shouldn't you do that in private?(giggles)If you ask me nicely,I'll give you back your clothes.Can't do anything about your dignity,though.(giggles again)  
  
Wolf: (blushing up a storm)Okay,fine:Please,can I have my clothes back?  
  
  
  
(is suddenly back in his famous black suit and white shirt)  
  
Author:And you'll stay for me?  
  
  
  
Wolf:Do I have to?(a white hair bow appears in his hair,causing him to cringe and fold his arms across his chest)Alright,I'll give.(said bow disappears and the boys aren't chained together anymore,damn)  
  
(The Insurance Girls appear now,looking confused)  
  
  
  
Meryl:Now what did you do,broomhead?!(glares at Vash,who gulps nervously)  
  
Vash:Nothing!Look here.(hands her the script,her brow twitches)  
  
Meryl:Nanio?(Wolf comes over to whisper to her,she pales,then hands the script back)Never mind..  
  
  
  
Milly: (reading over Vash's shoulder)Oh,fun!Do we dress up?  
  
Author:Yup,sure do,Milly.  
  
Milly:Neat!Who's who,Vash-san?  
  
Vash:Um,since we don't have a lot of time:I'm Kaworu.  
  
Meryl:Heh,you gotta dye your hair gray!  
  
Vash:I wouldn't look that bad!Nick,your Shinji,Meryl,you're Asuka and Milly,you're Misato.Hmm,guess that works.  
  
Milly: (blushes in her Misato costume)But,Vash-san,I'm not,um,a loose woman!  
  
Meryl: (wearing Asuka's school uniform)At least you get decent clothes!  
  
Wolf: (in Shinji's clothes)Speak for yourself!  
  
Vash: (in Kaworu's clothes &his hair scruffed-up and dyed gray)Come on,this isn't too bad!It's not like we're doing the whole series,just a scene or two!  
  
  
  
(Meryl and Wolf grumble and Milly tugs at the high hem of her dress,blushing)  
  
Vash:Uh oh.(everyone looks at him)There might be a problem.(looks at the script,not believeing what he saw)Um,well,Legato will be Rei.(silence,with chirping crickets)  
  
  
  
(Legato comes on 'stage' in Rei's plug suit,looking surprisingly good)  
  
Legato:Well,Master told me to go help you people with this story,so I'm here.(grins unnervingly at them)  
  
  
  
Vash: (clears throat)Alrighty,then.Let's see,first scene.(blushes a bit)  
  
Milly:What is it,Vash-san?  
  
Vash:It's a kissing scene.  
  
Meryl:I am NOT kissing you!  
  
Milly:I can't,Vash-san!I don't like you that way!(blushing)  
  
Legato:I wouldn't mind.(licks left hand,Vash pales and shudders at the thought)  
  
Wolf:Gimme!(snatches script from Vash,who inches away from Legato)Oh-my- GOD!You've gotta be kidding!This isn't in the actual script!  
  
  
  
Author:Neither are you.This would be considered fan-service,Nicky- chan.(snickers)  
  
Vash: (gets script back,looks and grins)Sugoii!Thanks,Angel-san!  
  
Author:No prob,Vash-chan.Enjoy!  
  
(Vash siddles up to a nervous Wolfwood,who looks like he wants to bolt)  
  
Vash: (whispers'Relax')Um,okay,lines.(checks script)Shinji-kun,I think I was born just to meet you.(puts hand on Wolf's shoulder as he faces him)  
  
  
  
Wolf: (sweatdropping)Oh!Er,Really,Kaworu-kun?I didn't think anyone cared about me that much.(tenses)  
  
  
  
Vash:I do,Shinji-kun.Let me show you.(leans in to plant a good one on Wolf's lips,who relaxes into it after a few seconds)  
  
  
  
(about a minute goes by,the others checking their watches)  
  
  
  
Meryl:Any day now!Jeez,get a room!  
  
Legato:As entertaining as this is,can we please do the next scene?I have someone -er,something to do.  
  
(the boys part with rather pleased looks on their faces)  
  
  
  
  
  
Vash: (coughs)Whew,okay then,next scene!(whispers'Dai suki' to Wolf)  
  
Wolf: (sniffs)Yeah,let's hurry this up!(whispers'Same here' to Vash)  
  
Meryl: (coughcoughhomoboycoughcough and then dodges Wolf's punch)  
  
Milly:Sempai,that wasn't very nice!Oh,Bokushi-san,you and Vash-san looked so cute! ^_^What do we do next,Vash-san?  
  
  
  
Vash:Good question!Hmm,(checks again)the synchronising twister scene.(Wolf and Meryl went to change clothes,protesting loudly)  
  
(scenery becomes inside of Misato's apartment w/appropriate props & such,the irate pair return wearing the doofy spandex & loose shirt-things Shinji & Asuka wore in the scene)  
  
Vash: (parks it on a chair after setting up the mats w/ Milly)Milly,your lines!(looks nervously at Legato,who sits nearby looking very spooky-Rei- like)  
  
Milly:Oh,yes!Shinji and Asuka,you have no teamwork at all,so you're gonna practice doing everything together for the next few days,starting with this game thing.(points to the living room and hands them the head-phones)You need to do it to this music,the,um,coral-ography is how you'll fight the Angel-twins.  
  
Meryl: (arms crossed,irked)That's 'choreography',Milly!I can't believe we've gotta wear these stupid clothes!  
  
  
  
Wolf:Hey,at least YOU don't have anything to hide!(points to her non- existant chest)  
  
Meryl:Why you smug sonofa-!(tries to strangle him)  
  
Vash: (darts inbetween them)Chotto matte!No fighting!We've gotta finish the scene!  
  
Milly:Vash-san is right,Sempai!You can play with Bokushi-san later!  
  
Meryl: (reluctantly releases the coughing,p'od priest)Whatever!Let's just get this over with!  
  
(she and Wolf take their places on the mats and start to go through their routine as Milly,Vash & Leggy watch)  
  
  
  
Meryl: (after falling on her face a few times)This is impossible!How the hell can anyone keep up with this?!  
  
  
  
Milly:Um,(checks her lines)Shinji's doing fine,you're just too rigid!You two will never pull off working together.(turns to Legato)Rei,you try it now,in Asuka's place.  
  
  
  
(Legato takes 'phones from a relieved Meryl and takes his place next to a creeped-out Wolf)  
  
Legato: (whispers to Wolf)Hope you have your life-insurance paid up,priest.  
  
Wolf: (gulps)Help!(he squeeks that out)  
  
(they do their little scene in tandem,Leggy getting a good score and Wolf sweating bullets)  
  
Wolf:Alright,we've proved that Rei here is better at this,so can we stop now?(watches Legato crack his knuckles after a costume change back to what he considers normal clothing)Please?!  
  
  
  
Author:Oh alright,Nicky-chan,since you asked so nice.Legato-chan!  
  
Legato:Yes,story-Mistress?How may I serve you?  
  
Author:There's hotdogs for you in the kitchen.Go nosh.  
  
Legato:Thank you,Mistress!May I make origami out of Wolfwood after lunch?(Wolf,back in his own clothes,pales)  
  
  
  
Author:No,enjoy your treat.Vash-chan needs him in one piece and unbent.  
  
Legato: (shrugs,munching happily)As you wish . (Wolf and the others breathe a sigh of relief and Wolf has a shaky smoke)  
  
Meryl: (massaging temples)When will this controlled chaos end?  
  
Milly:Can I have pudding now?  
  
Vash:How about donuts and lots of alchohol?(thinking about'later')  
  
Author:Ii ja nai ka('why not')?Lunch break,have fun!  
  
(they all dig into their respective treats and the author plots with Kuroneko and Knives-sama)  
  
*OWARI*  
  
Well,how was it?Please R&R.(gomen about the length)Should I continue?I've got a second one waiting.Five reviews and I put it up.(and yes,that one is a product of sleep-deprivation as well ^_^)Ja ne! 


	2. Akazukin Vash

Trigun Attacks.. Akazukin (Red Riding Hood) an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Trigun! (what a shocker) But I DO own this freaky little parody series. (Poor Nicky-chan will need a restraining order against our bad boy bishonen by the time I get through with this one ^_^)  
  
Notes/Warnings: Umm, no spoilers, just sleep-deprived insanity, yay! Of course, caffeine consumption and an overactive imagination helped. I decided not to wait for five reviews (so sue me, I love reviewers who want more Dragon-brand weirdness!) R & R, I beg you!  
  
Weird Quote of the Day: "Is that a gun in your spandex shorts, or are you just happy to see me?" - Duo Maxwell to Heero Yuy in a fic I read, "Spandex Mysteries" by Hana - chan. (Go check it out, if you like funny 1 x 2) Current Songs in my Head: "No One Knows" by Queens of the Stone Age,"Pretty Girl" by Sugarcult & "Pretty Fly For a White Guy". (I forget who does it ^_^).  
  
Trigun Atacks.. Akazukin (Red Riding Hood)  
  
Wolfwood & Vash walk onto the 'White Screen of Pain TM'  
  
Wolf: Alright, what the hell are we parodying now, Tongari?  
  
Vash: (takes out script) Um, 'Little Red Riding Hood'. Oh, cute!  
  
Wolf: You've gotta be kidding me! Why are we doing a fairy tale?  
  
Vash: Well,'cause the author is bored and she used to like this one as a kid.  
  
Wolf: Oh crap, her again! What IS she smoking, anyway?!  
  
Vash: You're just sore because she chewed you out before. (becomes starry- eyed) But she's not pissed at ME! She LO-O-OVES me!  
  
Wolf: (grumbles) Lapdog! She always gives you the best parts! I am NOT wearing a dress in this one!  
  
Vash: Calm down Nick! Lemme see. (flips through script) Oh, okay. I get to be Akazukin, cool!  
  
Wolf: (snickering) YOU gotta wear the dress this time!  
  
Vash: Nope, says here I DO get to keep my cool red coat.  
  
Wolf: Damn.Then what am I?  
  
Vash: Hmm.Heh heh. You're the Big Bad Wolfwood! (cracks up as Wolf grabs the script from him)  
  
Wolf: The hell?! No way, onna!  
  
Author: Would you rather be a GIRL, Nicky-chan?  
  
Wolf: (recalling the horror that was the last parody) Ack! N-no ma'am!  
  
Author: Alright then. Be a good bishonen and get into your costume.  
  
Wolf: (slinks off to dress up, muttering 'Why me?')  
  
The Insurance Girls show up, looking confused again.  
  
Meryl: Oh no, not this again!?  
  
Milly: (finishing a pudding cup) Yay, we get to dress up again, Vash-san!  
  
Vash: Yeah, isn't it fun? (starts giggling as Wolf comes back in a little wolf costume)  
  
Wolf: Can it Tongari!  
  
Meryl: What're you supposed to be, anyway?  
  
Milly: I know, I know! (waves a hand in the air, like in school as Meryl groans)You're a plushie, right Bokushi-san?  
  
Vash: (holding Wolf back by his costume's tail) No, no, Milly! He's a wolf. We're doing 'Akazukin' this time.  
  
Milly: Great! I love fairy tales! My parents used to read them to all ten of us every night.  
  
Wolf: Didn't that take a while?  
  
Milly: Yep, but they didn't mind. Who do I get to be, Vash-san?  
  
Vash: Says here, um.. Hah! You're my okaasan!  
  
Milly: Cute! I'll be right back! (runs to change, comes back in a dress & apron combo w/her hair in a ponytail)  
  
Meryl: So who am I? Not that I enjoy or even care about this insanity, or anything.  
  
Wolf: (snatches script) This I've gotta see! (starts snickering) You're grandma!  
  
Meryl: N-nanio?! (goes to change, comes back in a bonnet & flannel nightgown)Why do I have to be the old maid?!  
  
Wolf: (still smirking & chuckling) Do you REALLY want me to answer that?  
  
Meryl: You'd better not, unless you'd care for me to rid you of what's left of your dignity, Wolf-boy! Hey, who plays the guy who's supposed to save Little Red Riding Moron from being eaten by you?  
  
Wolf: Watch it Grandma, or I'll eat YOU!  
  
Meryl: Why don't you just eat -  
  
Vash: (stepping between the po'd pair & slipping the script from Wolf's clenched paw) Chotto matte! Don't fight now, Love and Peace, remember? We're supposed to be doing a cute story, not a daytime talk show.  
  
Milly: Yes Sempai! Don't spoil the story. You make a nice Gram, really!  
  
Meryl: (with a throbbing vein on her head) Thank you, Milly! (Sarcastically said, of course) Can we get on with this? I need aspirin. Lots and lots of aspirin.  
  
Vash: (clears his throat) Um, there's just the one part left, the kindly hunter guy. (looks at script w/eyes widening) Oh dear. This CAN'T be good!  
  
Wolf: (looks over Vash's shoulder) Who is it Tongari? (pales) Oh Kami, it's Knives!? Now *I* need an aspirin! And a flak jacket!  
  
Meryl: Is it too late for a part change?!  
  
(Maniacal laughter from off-screen is heard)  
  
Knives: Yes! Yes it is! Run in fear spiders, Knives is here! What are we doing now, Vashu? (glares at the girls & Wolf, who look rather uncomfortable as he comes onscreen )  
  
Vash: Um,'Akazukin'. You're the nice hunter who saves me from the Big Bad Wolfwood, er wolf. (corrects himself after seeing Wolf's twitchy brow)  
  
Knives: Cool! Do I get to shoot him? (polishes his black gun)  
  
Vash: No, no! (hastily puts himself between Knives & Wolf, who looks like he's gonna pass out)We're just pretending, remember? Playing!  
  
Knives: (grinning) That works. I like this kind of playing!  
  
Vash: Just remember, no shooting Knivesu! Onegai?  
  
Knives: Oh all right, dammit! I won't.. This time. (everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief)  
  
Milly: Um, Vash-san? Can we start now? Bokushi-san is trying to leave.  
  
Vash: (grabs Wolf by the tail again) Yes, lets. Before we don't have a cast!  
  
Wolf: Can't I at least one more smoke before I die?!  
  
Author: You're not gonna die Nicky-chan, so chill out and go with the flow.  
  
Meryl & Knives: (giggling at Wolf) Drama queen!  
  
Wolf: (bearing ookami fangs) I heard that! Let's get this show on the road. I need a smoke and a shower, this costume reeks!  
  
Vash: Okay.Um, scenery onegai, Angel-san?  
  
(appropriate fairy tale cottage & field-forest appears. Vash & Milly enter & the others take their places elsewhere)  
  
Milly: ..  
  
Vash: (whispers to her) Milly, that's your line!  
  
Milly: Oh yes, gomenasai! (clears throat, holds up basket)Akazukin, your Gran isn't feeling well. (cuts to scene of Meryl, grannied -up,arms folded in bed & looking pissed)I want you to take this basket of bento boxes to her to cheer her up!  
  
Vash: (grinning like an idiot) Sure thing 'kaasan! (cuts to Meryl who says 'Oh brother!')  
  
Milly: But remember Akazukin, stay on the path and don't talk to strange people! (cuts to Wolf who says w/a raised brow 'And THIS is normal?')  
  
Vash: Gotcha! Could I have a donut before I go 'kaasan? (gives her puppy eyes)  
  
Milly: Of course dear! (pops one in Vash's gaping maw, who practically swallows it whole)  
  
Vash: Bye maman! (1) (trots off out the door & into the 'woods')  
  
Wolf: (walks up to Vash) Hey kid. Whadda ya got in the basket? Like I don't know.  
  
Vash: (frowning at Wolf's less than enthused delivery) Bento for my Gran.I'm gonna take 'em to her now, Wolf-san.  
  
Wolf: (twitchy browed again) Okay! What say we go together, hmm?  
  
Vash: (whispers to him) Nick! That's not in the script! You're supposed to go eat Grandma! (cuts to Meryl, still pissed in Grandma's bed saying 'Bite me,broom head!')  
  
Wolf: Now it is! (hands script to Vash, who reads)  
  
Vash: 'Big Bad Wolf- (catches himself before Wolf can deck him), follows Little Red Riding Fool to Grandma's' - Hey chotto matte! That's NOT my chara's name!  
  
Wolf: (stands there all cocky and flipping a little bottle in the air with a pen behind the ear of his costume) Heh. Me, my Bic and Mr.Whiteout say otherwise Tongari! Let's move before your unbalanced sib finds me.  
  
(Doesn't notice Knives hiding & grinning in the bushes)  
  
Now at 'Grandma's' house Vash knocks at the door while Wolf looks around nervously.  
  
Vash: Domo Grandma! It's me, Akazukin! I brought bento from maman for you!  
  
Meryl: (through the door) Nani?! You're early, moron. Where's the plushie?  
  
Wolf: Cram it Granny! Let us in before the 'nice hunter' gets here!  
  
Meryl: Get stuffed toy-boy! Hope you don't mind being 'holy' for real! Ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Vash: Please grandma? The bento are getting cold and the woods are creeping me out.  
  
(Door opens, Meryl's irked)  
  
Meryl: Fine, but only because you've got food and I haven't had lunch yet!  
  
(Just as they move to go inside a 'click' is heard behind them)  
  
Knives: I'll save you Akazukin and Granny! Lemme put down the rabid doggie for you! (Wolf pales & pleads w/Vash & Meryl 'Help me, help me!')  
  
Vask: Ack! Knivesu, er nice hunter, wait! The wolf doesn't want to eat me! He's gonna um, um -  
  
Meryl: (opening the door wider & yanking the panicky Vash aside) Have lunch with us! (holds up basket) Why don't you join us and not shoot Akazukin's lap dog, hm?  
  
Knives: (ponders a bit while Wolf is sweating bullets) Okay, why not? I haven't had lunch yet either. (puts his gun away & comes in, brushing past Wolf)  
  
Wolf: (sagging against Vash) Thank Kami-sama!  
  
They sit down at 'Grandma's' table and unpack the bento boxes, passing them around. Milly joins them saying 'Oh pudding, too? Yay!'  
  
Meryl: (holds up a little bottle from the basket) What the hell is this?  
  
Wolf: (eyes widening) Sake! Yes! I need a drink right now!  
  
Milly: Oh, oh! Me too, me too!  
  
Vash: (sighs) Better pour for all Nick.I think we'll need it!  
  
Milly: (after slamming back a couple) Oh Sempai! It's so hot in here! (starts to undress)  
  
Meryl: No Milly! It's indecent!  
  
Knives: (while chowing down, shrugs & smirks) So what? Dinner and a show 'Granny'!  
  
Meryl: (grows & lunges at Knives who giggles as Vash & Wolf catch her)  
  
Vash: (struggling as he helps Wolf hold onto the po'd Insurance Girl) Well I guess that's it for this story, right Angel-san?  
  
Author: Pretty much.'Til I get bored or get more requests in anyway. You like this, Vash-chan?  
  
Vash: For the most part. When I'm not breaking up fights.  
  
Wolf: For the love of God PLEASE don't put me in a dress next time!  
  
Author: We'll see Nicky-chan, we'll see..  
  
Wolf: I need a vacation, c'mon Tongari! And a smoke. And another drink. Many drinks, actually.  
  
(And as the cast decides to get smashed or try to avoid each other, the author plots with Legato-sama and Kuroneko this time..)  
  
*OWARI*  
  
(1): Anyone remember when Vash was running for his life from the townspeople and started whining in French? (In the Japanese subbed version, anyway) That's what 'maman' is from. (I believe it's the ep. with the first of the Nebraska family. You know, with the giant guy & his dad, the obnoxious old guy?)  
  
Well, how was this byproduct of insomnia? I'm working on an Inu Yasha one next. (Arigato Ale-Bloody-Roses for the great idea!) Keep suggesting and I keep writing up custom-made insanity, it's that simple. ^_^ Ja minna! 


	3. Inu Vasha

Trigun Attacks.. Inu Yasha an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Disclaimer: I'd be a very happy little dragon indeed, if I owned Trigun.. But I don't. (How depressing! For ME anyway ()  
  
Notes/Warnings: Lets see.. To warn or not to warn, that is the question. (Actually I HAVE to, I was just jerking your chain ^_^) The standard language warnings apply of course & the usual comic violence we all love. (Is that masochism, I forget?) Maybe Knives & Vash shonen-ai. (If you're actually LOOKING for it, that is) Oh well, such is the humorous section of my semi-hentai imagination. (Read some of my other humor fics & you'll see what I mean)  
  
This is for Ale-Bloody-Roses my fellow sleep-deprived author, who gave me this lovely, lovely idea. (feel free to submit more, I loved your review ^_^)  
  
Weird Quote of the Day: 'Everybody has some useful purpose in life, even if it is only to serve as a horrible example' - (unknown) I swear I've gone to school with people that are poster-children for this statement. Anyone else have such bizarre 'peers'?  
  
Current Songs in my Head: "Remember Me" by Hoobastank & "Paper Cut" by Linkin Park.  
  
Also: Can Knives say 'emergency room'? Sure he can! (When he can remember his own name again, that is ^_^)  
  
Trigun Attacks.. Inu Yasha  
  
(Vash, Meryl & Knives appear on the 'White Screen of Pain TM' yet again)  
  
Meryl: Oh Kami, now what? (Glares at the twins & points at Knives) And what's HE doing here again?!  
  
Author: I'm bored and I got a request Meryl. Deal with it.  
  
Meryl: (grumbles) Whenever she gets bored, I end up with a migraine.  
  
Vash: But I like this, Meryl! It's fun. C'mon and go with it! (Puts an arm around Knives' shoulders & gives a squeeze) I'll keep an eye on Knivesu, okay?  
  
Knives: I don't need a babysitter Vashu! Hey, Angel-san! Where're the other three weirdos?  
  
Author: Well, I promised Nicky-chan a vacation, sent Milly to Anime Expo and gave Lego-toy a gift certificate for ice cream, so they're gonna be occupied for a bit.  
  
Knives: (snickers) Too bad. I never got a chance to see if Wolfwood could 'help' me with my target practice. (Giggles evilly)  
  
Vash: (sweatdrops nervously) Um, Angel-san, can we start now?  
  
Meryl: (muttering) Seriously, he needs to be medicated. Heavily.  
  
(Script drops in Knives' hands & Vash looks hurt)  
  
Vash: I thought *I* was your favorite, Angel-san?!  
  
Author: You ARE, Vash-chan. I just promised Knives a shot this time that's all.  
  
Vash: (sulky) Well okay, I guess. (A teddy bear, like the one he has with him in the hammock in the end credits, appears in his hands) Kawaii! Arigato, Angel-san! (Hugs it & Meryl makes a gagging noise while Knives giggles & reads the script)  
  
Knives: Alright! We're doing the bone-tomb scene from 'Inu Yasha'. I love that show! Lots of blood, violence and explosive property damage! Kinda like our show, just without the guns and obnoxious Insurance Girl. (Smirks at Meryl, who flips him off) Okay, Vashu, you're Inu Yasha, I'm Sesshomaru and spider-girl is Kagome.  
  
Meryl: (changed into Kagome's clothes) Hey! Piss off, poster-child for Prozac!  
  
(Scenery changes to the inside of the bone-tomb of Inu Yasha's father w/Tetsusaiga the fang-sword in its base. Vash is in Inu Yasha's clothes w/a pair of fuzzy, pointy Inu-ears on a headband & Knives is in Sesshomaru's clothes & looking VERY hot, in my opinion ^_^)  
  
Knives: (checking his lines) Okay, I'm gonna claim father's sword, Inu Yasha! Then I'll use it to kill all the spiders!  
  
Vash: Um, (checks lines) No way, Sesshomaru! I'll take it and use it to kill you for toying with my mother's image!  
  
Meryl: (snags script) Don't I get any lines? (reads ahead) Oh, okay. Sorry.  
  
(The twins stop their word play & fighting to stare at her)  
  
Knives: Did I just hear that right? Did YOU actually say you were SORRY for interrupting something? Mark that on the calendar, Vashu! (Smirks as Meryl's brow twitches)  
  
Vash: (sweatdropping) Um, I know it's a shocker, Knivesu, but maybe we should move on? (watching Meryl out of the corner of his eye as she tries to resist strangling his sib)  
  
Knives: Whatever you say. (Goes over to Tetsusaiga & tries to pull it out) The hell?! It burned my hand, dammit! (blows on hand & shakes it) Now I'm pissed!  
  
(The pair starts their play-fighting again, dodging & throwing punches)  
  
Meryl: Hey, Inu Yasha! You can't beat him by dodging! He's faster that you! Go for the sword and hit him in his ego! (mutters) Take THAT, you smug bastard!  
  
Vash: Um, okay, I can do that! (clears throat) Hah! The great Sesshomaru can't even TOUCH the sword, let alone pull it out! (Knives' brow twitches as Vash goes up to yank it out) Hey, it won't budge?! What's wrong with it? I'm strong enough!  
  
Meryl: Outta the way, Spot! My turn! (Shoves Vash aside & rubs her hands together, not caring that that, like a lot of this, isn't in the script this way)  
  
Knives: (stands behind her, smirking w/his arms folded) Yeah right! Like a SPIDER can take Tetsusaiga! Stupid girl!  
  
Meryl: (vein throbbing on her head, teeth gritted) Oh yeah?! (Takes hold of the sword's hilt & gives it a good, hard yank. Whacks Knives in the head w/her elbow as she stumbles back, knocking him senseless)  
  
Vash: Knivesu! (kneels by his swirly-eyed twin) Are you okay?!  
  
Knives: Ooo, looky! Little tweeting torii! (points at the non-existent birdies as he lays there sprawled)  
  
Vash: (turning to Meryl w/a worried look) Meryl, I think you hit him too hard! He's seeing birds!  
  
Meryl: (twitchy-browed & holding the sword) He's still breathing, isn't he? I didn't hit him hard enough! (Goes to whack him with it)  
  
Vash: Chotto matte! (Catches blade on a skull he snatched up in time) Love and Peace, Meryl!  
  
Knives: (giggles) Doves and Geese, Vashu! See? (Waves at the birds in his mind)  
  
Meryl: (growls in frustration) Damn! I was THIS close! (makes pinching motion w/her free hand)  
  
Vash: I think I need to take Knivesu to a doctor, Angel-san. (hoists him up into his arms) Can we change clothes now? (All three of them are back in their own clothes) Arigato, Angel-san! (Trudges off with his giggly, spacey twin)  
  
Meryl: (massaging her temples) I feel the need for aspirin now..  
  
(As Knives gives new meaning to the term 'head case', the author continues on to plot with the buggy-eyed Kuroneko, who's 'Myaa' can be heard in the back ground)  
  
*OWARI*  
  
Well, anyone care to comment? Suggestions would be cool, too. (Hint hint) I'm sure most of this wasn't very canon but I'm working off of memory from seeing this episode. (Gomen to Inu Yasha purity fans!) Arigato for reading & reviewing! Ja, minnasan! ^_^ 


	4. Trigun Bebop

Trigun Attacks.. Cowboy Bebop an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Disclaimer: Do I own Trigun? (checks records) Nope. (But I own manga novel #1 now, thanks to my local import anime store ^_^)  
  
Notes/Warnings: Do I even need to now? Vash: Of course you do, Angel-san! Think of what would happen if innocent, clean-minded bystanders stumbled onto your fics! Author: Oh all right then, dammit! (growls & clears throat) They throw rampant curses & violent temper tantrums at each other. And there's DEFINATE shonen-ai in here somewhere. Sometimes pretty obvious, too. ^_^ That said: Enjoy & R & R, onegai? I prostate myself before you! *giggles* (and that was a deliberate pun. I know it's misspelled. Blame it on the caffeine.)  
  
Weird Quote of the Day: "Legato! You one-testicled man-bitch!" - Knives, yelling at the top of his lungs while somehow giving birth to.. something.. in a fic called 'Special Delivery'. I read it at the Princess of Pain's Dusty Moth archive & the author is The Flaming Coffeepot of Doom. (Appropriate for a caffeine addict, ne?)  
  
Current Song in my Head: "Siroi Yami No Naka" by Shakka Zombie (goes to the anime music video 'Tainted Donuts' that blends Trigun w/ Cowboy Bebop VERY well. Go check it out if you can find it. I'm not sure where my friend got it.. Maybe KaZaA dot com?)  
  
This is for PyroSprite64 who gave me this neat little idea. Arigato! ^_^  
  
Also: Knives discovers a new hobby. (Besides tormenting Nicky-chan, that is)  
  
Trigun Attacks.. Cowboy Bebop  
  
(Vash, Meryl & Knives appear on the 'White Screen of PainTM' yet again)  
  
Vash: Um, isn't someone supposed to say 'Oh hell, what now?' right about now?  
  
Meryl: Yeah. So where IS hair-boy anyway?  
  
Knives: (giggles) I think he's hiding. I managed to tie him to a tree and shoot a couple apples off his head yesterday. Before he chewed through the ropes. I was watching a magic show and got an idea.  
  
Author: Oh, Knives-sama, I was given something to pass on to you. (Bouquet of roses appears in Knives' hands) These are from Ale. She wishes you well. *giggles* I believe you have an admirer.  
  
Knives: (sniffs flowers) Mmm. Very nice gift. I'll definitely have to put her on my 'Do Not Open Up A Can of Raid-Whoop-Ass On' list. (Scribbles Ale's name on list, then grins as he walks off screen) I'm putting these in water. (glares at Meryl) ANYONE who touches 'em DIES!  
  
Meryl: (kisses her hand & smacks her butt w/ it as she gives Knives a raspberry)  
  
Vash: Ooo-kay.Well then Angel-san, what're we doing today? (Script drops into Vash's hands) Cool! 'Cowboy Bebop'. I love that one!  
  
Author: (raises voice so it'll carry off screen) You know,Vash-chan,it's too bad that Nicky-chan doesn't want to come out and play. And I gave him SUCH a good part,too.  
  
Wolf: (warily inches on screen) Like what? (sees Knives come back on) Oh hell! Nevermind! (tries to leave but Vash catches his arm)  
  
Vash: Chotto matte Nick! Read this! (shows him script)  
  
Wolf: Okay,so I'm this Spike guy and you're this Jet guy?  
  
Vash:Yep.But I keep my spiky locks.Looky there. (points to page & they both giggle)  
  
Meryl: What's so damn funny? (reads over their shoulders) So I'm this Faye Valentine chick?  
  
Author:Yup. (everyone is now in appropriate CB clothes,Nicky pulling off Spike's suit pretty well) Knives-sama, you look pretty smooth in spandex, by the way.  
  
(they turn to look at Knives who fingers the new threads)  
  
Knives: Hmm.You know, you're right. I make this look good. (grins & is dressed in Ed's clothes) Hey Wolfwood. Did you like the applesauce we made yesterday? (gives him a malevolent little grin & waggles his fingers to say hello)  
  
Wolf: (sweatdrops nervously) Jeez.You need your medication adjusted. Seriously.  
  
Meryl: Can we get on with this please? These shorts are starting to ride up. (tugs on 'em)  
  
Wolf: (muttering) So THAT'S what's wrong with you. I knew you were walking around with SOMETHING stuck up your -  
  
Vash:And this is where I step between you two again. (checks the script as Meryl flips Wolf off) Uh oh.This is a freaky scene. Guess who's back?  
  
Wolf: (pales) You CAN'T mean Legato?! Okay that's it! Ja, minna! (tries to run & squirms as Vash puts a stranglehold on his waist) Oh come on! I'm gonna get slaughtered!  
  
Author: Calm down Nicky-chan.You're really starting to get paranoid.Tell you what. If you do this scene for me,I'll treat you and Vash-chan to drinks later.You two are always so kawaii when you're plastered.  
  
Wolf: (turns to look at Vash who gives him a wink) Sold! Let's do this already!  
  
Meryl: (makes a gagging noise) What a cheap date!  
  
(Legato comes on dressed as Vicious & making the authoress drool & sigh)  
  
Legato: I can be bought for less. (gives the group a creepy grin) Story- Mistress what scene am I to do with these people?  
  
Author:The face-off between Spike and Vicious.  
  
Meryl: Nanio?! (flips through the script) Then what the hell are WE doing here?! (gestures to herself,Knives & Vash)  
  
Author: Fanservice, Meryl. I couldn't find any scenes that had everybody in 'em. Enjoy the spectacle. (boxes of popcorn appear in Meryl,Vash & Knives' hands & scenery changes to the demolished top floor of the Syndicate's building w/ the Bebop's couch off to the side)  
  
Knives:This works.Ringside seats. (parks it on the couch next to Vash.Meryl refuses to sit near him & parks it on the floor) Pass the salt, Vashu.  
  
(Kuroneko wanders on, dressed in an Ein costume & jumps up on Knives' lap, going 'Myaa! Knives idly pets him as he munches popcorn)  
  
Wolf: (checks the script as Legato cracks his knuckles & neck then draws Vicious' katana) Ack! Remember this is just ACTING, psycho-boy!  
  
Legato: (gives him an odd smirk) Do you know how to ACT like you're in a lot of pain? Because I can teach you.. (starts to come at Wolf, who's eyes widen as he pulls Spike's gun & starts dodging & shooting. This goes on for a bit, 'til Legato lands a little slash on Wolf's hand & Wolf fires at Legato & hits him in the leg)  
  
Wolf: Dammit! That hurt! (hold his mildly wounded hand & Vash looks panicky. Knives snickers at Wolf's misfortune)  
  
Legato: (gets up & dusts himself off, shaking his leg) Heh. That tickled. And I thought you were a better shot, 'Spike'.  
  
(Meryl & Vash's eyes are wide & they're frozen in mid-grab for handfuls of popcorn)  
  
Knives: (scrambles off screen) Wait,wait! I've GOTTA get a picture of this!  
  
Wolf: (sweatdrops w/ wide eyes) The hell?! HE gets a REAL sword and all I get are FAKE bullets?! (brow twitches) How fair is that? Are you sadistic or somethin' onna?!  
  
Author: Maybe a little. But this is what happens when I let Legato help write the script. He was feeling 'creative'. So sue me.  
  
Knives: (skids back on screen w/ his camera & clicks pic) Perfect! Now let's see you finish the scene,Legato! (settles back on the arm of the couch)  
  
Meryl: (growls w/ a twitchy brow) Hey you baka! Just kick his ass already! I thought you could fight but maybe being put in a dress that time screwed up your training!  
  
Vash: (sweatdropping) Meryl! That's not very nice. You're just pissed 'cause you don't get a scene in this one. Besides, I'm sure Nick doesn't have dress issues. (he's having trouble saying this w/a straight face & Knives is joining in the snorting & snickering)  
  
Wolf: (blushing furiously) URUSAI! I'LL finish this scene!  
  
Legato: (checks his lines) You know I'm the only one who can kill you, Spike. (raises his katana & starts forward)  
  
Wolf: (checks his own lines) And I wouldn't have it any other way! (comes at Legato w/ his pretty much useless gun tossed aside)  
  
(As Wolf prepares to land a punch as he closes the distance to Legato, Leggy-kun swipes forward w/ his katana at Wolf's waist. Wolf's punch misses & he stumbles forward)  
  
Wolf: Nanio?! (regains his balance as Legato stands cooly back & sheathes his katana)  
  
Legato: Wait for it.  
  
(Wolf's pants abruptly drop, showing off his boxers. He turns rather red & everyone gapes at him as Knives snaps another pic)  
  
Meryl: (snickers) Little crescent moons! How appropriate!  
  
(Wolf yanks up his pants & stalks over to the couch to sit down next to Vash)  
  
Wolf: Get bent, Insurance Ghoul! Bet YOU'VE got granny-panties so keep your paws off my shorts!  
  
Knives: (giggling & kissing his camera) Hey Angel-san! You've GOTTA help me with this film! This is priceless!  
  
Author: No prob, Knives. Lego-toy, you can go eat lunch now.  
  
Legato: Yes Story-Mistress. May I have copies of the pictures?  
  
Author: Of course. I'll get triples.  
  
(And Vash is now trying to keep Meryl from giving Wolf an atomic wedgie as Knives documents it)  
  
Meryl: Like I'd wanna get in your shorts anyway! That's broom-head's hobby!  
  
Vash & Wolf: .. (blushing & sweatdropping)  
  
Vash: So much for privacy.  
  
Wolf: Well crap, first a near-death experience and now THIS! Can we go bury our embarrassment in alchohol now? Preferably lots of it?  
  
Knives: (giggles evily) Now I can't wait 'til next playtime!  
  
Author: Alright guys. I DID promise. Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do. But if you do, take pictures! (everyone is back in their own clothes & Meryl stalks off, muttering about hentai authors & traveling companions)  
  
(And thanks to generous amounts of libations (alchohol, for those w/out a thesaurus) ,the boys discover just what the gauge of Vash-chan's fourth gun is. And Knives manages to do his version of 'Candid Camera'. The author continues to plot with Kuroneko & stay up WAY too late..)  
  
*OWARI*  
  
Ooo-boy.. I KNOW this was bizarre! What can I say? You guys gave me so many lovely ideas I had to start somewhere. (and this was, for some reason, the first thing that screamed at me when I sat down to write) To everyone who sent in ideas: I'll do 'em all, don't worry! I've gotta skim thru my anime & manga collection. Some of those series I haven't seen for a while! ^_^ But DO feel free to offer up more suggestions, I love to write this freaky little series! Ja minnasan! 


	5. Card Captor Vashura

Trigun Attacks.. Card Captor Sakura an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned this series, I'd be such a happy little dragon! ^-^ (But I don't, so crap . ) And I don't own any of the products I mention in here, either. (So don't sue me!)  
  
Warnings/Notes: Shonen-ai attacks yet again! (Blame the hentai fairy. I keep putting up no-pest strips, but she dodges 'em. ^_^)Well,usual warnings apply in this series:Ugly temper tantrums & blatant insults.Vash: Angel- san,what else? Author: Damn.I thought he'd forgotten. (Clears throat) Okay, there are bizarre little jokes in here, too. (I'll find that little winged you-know-what eventually!)  
  
Anyway.. Hope everyone enjoys, I know it's been a while. (These things take a bit to write, you know?) R & R, onegai?  
  
Weird Quotes of the day: "Your reaction is better than I had hoped. You're fun." - Legato to Vash, after playing mind games w/him in the 'Diablo' ep. I believe.  
  
"Playing cool are you? You've got some rocks, mister! Say something you show -off!" ".. May I have another fork?" - Random bad guy & Legato-kun's response. (Oh Kami, I LOVED that one! ^_^) Sempai Sunny-san, those were for you! I loved your ideas!  
  
Current Songs in My Head: 'I Am Mine' by Stone Temple Pilots, I think & 'All You Wanted' by Michelle Branch. (It was in a kawaii little Wolf & Vash shonen-ai music video I saw)  
  
Also: Does Legato have a sick sense of humor? (giggles) Yep.He sure does! (But that's a good thing, ne?)  
  
This is for PyroSprite64.Arigato again for the yummy idea!  
  
Trigun Attacks.. Card Captor Sakura  
  
(Vash & Knives appear on the 'White Screen of PainTM' yet again & Knives is looking rather pleased w/himself)  
  
Vash: What've you got there Knivesu?  
  
Knives: (snickering) Oh nothing really Vashu.Just some pictures of mine..  
  
Vash: (sweatdropping) Um, those wouldn't happen to be the 'special' ones you took without asking me and Nick first, would they?  
  
Knives: Nope.I gave all those back to you like I promised. *These* are something else entirely. (giggles) Look here. This one's my fave! (Shows Vash a pic of Meryl in curlers, a green beauty mask & a funky lime-colored bathrobe. She's holding a mug of coffee & wearing a half-awake scowl on her face)  
  
Vash: Eep! Warn a guy before you go flashing that around!  
  
Knives: (giggles) That one scared the HELL out of Legato when I showed it to him. He hid in the closet with a blanket and your teddy bear, Vashu.Ended up muttering something like, "The horror! The horror!"His eyes were so wide that I could almost see both of 'em for a change.  
  
Author: It took a LOT of negotiating and Reese's Pieces to make him come out of that closet, Knives-sama.  
  
Knives: I know Angel-san.You've gotta admit though, it was worth it.  
  
Author: Yup.Candid Meryl moments are rare.  
  
(Wolf & the Insurance Girls appear & Wolf still looks pissy)  
  
Wolf: Alright, I'm here. Let the torture commence!  
  
Meryl: (twitchy-browed & pointing at Knives) YOU! I've gotta bone to pick with you, you camera-happy nut ball!  
  
Milly: Sempai! Let it go! It was just a little prank! This isn't very lady- like!  
  
Vash: (sighing) Here we go again! Guys -  
  
Meryl: (shoving past Vash to get in Knives' face) I WANT THOSE NEGATIVES! WHERE ARE THEY?!!  
  
Knives: Somewhere YOU'LL never touch 'em, spider girl. (Smirks as Meryl says, "Eew! That's just weird! Even for YOU!)  
  
Milly: Vash-san aren't we doing another story? Bokushi-san appears to be making out his will. (Sees Wolf scribbling on a piece of paper while keeping an eye on Knives)  
  
Vash: Yeah.If those two don't strangle each other first! (Gestures to Knives & Meryl who're making various faces & rude gestures at each other)  
  
(Script drops into Nicky-chan's hands)  
  
Wolf: (stunned) Is it my birthday or something? A parting gift before I die?  
  
Author: Don't overreact Nicky-chan.Just relax.  
  
Wolf: If you say so, onna. (Flips through script a bit) Oh this is cute. The Dash card episode from 'Card Captor Sakura'. (snickers) YES! I'm NOT the girl!  
  
Meryl: (muttering) Some would beg to differ.. (Wolf glares at her & says, "URUSAI, 'Night of the Living Curlers'!")  
  
Vash: (reading over Wolf's shoulder) So who is.. (Eyes widen) Oh NO WAY! I'M Sakura?! Angel-saaan!  
  
Author: Take it easy Vash-chan! Here! (Box of 200 different donuts appears) These are from DragonQueen.She's rooting for you, so go with it and have fun.  
  
Vash: (becomes starry-eyed) A-arigato! So.. Many.. (Sighs & drools as he debates which to scarf first)  
  
Wolf: Oh boy. He'll be bouncing off the walls all night.. And don't ya DARE say anything Meryl! (She merely snorts and says; "Not EVERYONE in this story thinks little hentai thoughts, Wolf-breath!") Whatever, little green monster. Let's see.. I'm this Shaolan kid, Milly's Tomoyo, Insurance Queen over there's Mei Ling.. Oh crap.. Knives, you're Touya, Sakura's brother (what a shocker there!) and.. Man, why ME? Legato's Yukito, Touya's 'little friend'.  
  
(Everyone changes into his or her appropriate costumes and Leggy-kun still looks a tad spooked)  
  
Vash: (blushing) I look weird in this crazy outfit! (Is wearing Sakura's green and orange outfit from the Dash card ep.) I look like I've got bunny ears or something!  
  
Milly: I think you look cute Vash-san! (Is recording w/Tomoyo's camcorder)  
  
Knives: I want to see the bloopers from that!  
  
Wolf: Can we get on with this?  
  
Meryl: What's with these goofy hair buns? Sheesh!  
  
(Scenery changes to the park at night and Kuroneko wanders on screen dressed in a Dash costume and says, "Myaa!")  
  
Vash: Ookay.. (Clears throat) I got it! I got it! (Runs after Kuroneko who dodges his attempts to 'seal' it w/Sakura's Clow sealing key) C'mon you're just gonna get hurt!  
  
(Kuroneko runs to a wall & scales it then gives Vash a kitty raspberry before going over it)  
  
Milly: Oh that was SO kawaii! But it got away Vash-san!  
  
Vash: (checks the script) Says here that I'll get it later 'Tomoyo.' Time for those donuts now Angel-san? (Pleads w/puppy eyes)  
  
(Scenery changes to inside of Sakura's house. Vash is in Sakura's 'normal' clothes & is sitting on the couch w/Knives & Legato, noshing donuts)  
  
Meryl: HEY! What're WE supposed to do?! (Gestures to herself, Milly & Wolf)  
  
Author: Hang out. This isn't exactly canon, you know.  
  
Wolf: (shrugs) What the hell? It's kinda nice not having to dodge bullets and other unpleasant things. (Parks it in the kitchen to have tea w/the girls)  
  
Knives: (checks his lines) So 'Sakura'. Gonna be in the big track meet? (giggles)  
  
Vash: (after downing a donut) Nah, I'm gonna, (blushes) be in the cheerleading squad.  
  
Legato: (smirks as he checks his lines) But someone from your school will be. I would guess that's impressive. But 'Touya '-san held the record last year. As he always should.  
  
Knives: Damn straight! No spider can outrun ME! (Wolf in the background mutters, "More like they run FROM you.")  
  
Vash: (clears throat) Anyway.. Why didn't you keep on with it?  
  
Knives: (folds his arms over his chest w/a smirk) 'Cause it got in the way with my taking over this planet. (Meryl in the background mutters, "Frickin' ego-maniac!")  
  
Vash: Um, well.. I guess I'd cheer you on. With your running, I mean! (Flashes his famous sign as he says, "Love and Peace, you know?")  
  
(Kuroneko the Dash comes skipping by and says, "Myaa, myaa..")  
  
Author: That's your cue Nicky-chan!  
  
Wolf: (slams back his tea) Gomen! It's been fun ladies but I've gotta go brain that 'card' with Usagi-boy over there.  
  
Milly: Oh, oh! Wait for me Bokushi-san, Vash-san! You both look cute in your outfits! (Takes up Tomoyo's cam again as Vash comes back on in his odd little costume)  
  
Knives: (snaps a pic) THAT'S goin' on E-bay! Smile Vashu!  
  
Vash: (sweatdrops) Knivesu! TELL me that's NOT where 'our' pictures are?! (Gestures to himself & Wolf, who has a little throbby vein on his head & ookami fangs as he growls, "That little -!")  
  
Legato: Show some respect 'Shaolan' or I'll show you how to kick yourself in the ass. (Gives him a creepy little grin)  
  
Vash: (yanks Wolf back by his costume's long sleeve before he can do something foolish) Chotto matte! Angel-san may we?  
  
Meryl: I need aspirin again..  
  
Knives: (snickering) Maybe your buns are too tight?  
  
Meryl: (lunges at Knives & is caught by Vash's other hand) Just what the HELL do you mean by THAT?! (growls)  
  
Vash: ITAI!! You're gonna pull my arms off you two!! Angel-saaan! Onegaaai?!  
  
Author: Children, children...I think Vash-chan wants to stay in one piece? (The po'd pair cease their tug of war w/Vash's body parts)  
  
(Scenery changes to the park at night again. Kuroneko the Dash shows up again and wags his little tail at Vash & Wolf as he says, "Myaa myaa myaa myaa myaa-ya!" in a little taunting tone)  
  
Vash & Wolf: (look at each other w/determined looks & nod) LET'S GET 'IM!!  
  
(They run after Kuroneko the Dash w/Milly filming & giving them pointers when 'Dash' dodges them. Knives is cracking up & hanging onto Legato's currently un-spiky shoulder. Meryl is massaging her temples as she says, "I don't KNOW these people.. I just DON'T know these people!!")  
  
Wolf: HEY! Watch where you're swingin' that damn stick Tongari! Do I LOOK like a shish kebab to you?!  
  
Vash: Gomenasai, Nick! It vaulted over your back! (Kuroneko runs towards Legato & leaps up into his arms)  
  
Wolf: (snags Sakura's sealing key from Vash) Gimme that! You're too nice to the little furry s.o.b! (Goes to swing at 'Dash' w/a pissed look on his face)  
  
Legato: Try it and I'll make you stick that up your-  
  
Knives: (giggles & wipes his eyes) As funny as this is.. Relax Legato.Wolfwood, he's had a rough day. I'd layoff him. (Pets the smug Kuroneko in Lego-toy's arms)  
  
Wolf: (seriously rethinks his actions and sweatdrops) Ookay.. I have no desire to experience that and shut up Meryl.  
  
Meryl: (smirking) Nani? I didn't say a damn thing. (giggles)  
  
Milly: This will make such a kawaii home movie Vash-san!  
  
Vash: (running an exasperated hand down his face) Angel-san I think this is a good time to say 'Cut!'  
  
Author: Hai Vash-chan.Go enjoy your donuts with Nicky-chan.Leggy-kun, there's more candy for you in the kitchen. (They've all changed back into their 'normal' clothes, despite small dressing rooms)  
  
Legato: No more scary pictures, Story-Mistress? Master?  
  
Author & Knives: Nope! Promise!  
  
(And Legato & Vash-chan happily munch their treats as Milly serves her famous 'Gunpowder' green tea. Meryl tries to negotiate w/Knives for his negatives & is failing miserably even w/threats. And nobody ever suspects the buggy-eyed cat. But they just might suspect the insomniac authoress..)  
  
*OWARI*  
  
Well.. That was quite odd, wasn't it? Seriously though, I love all you guys' suggestions! Keep 'em comin' & I'll get 'em up eventually. Dragon's honor! ^_^ Ja minnasan! 


	6. Pokeplushies?

Trigun Attacks.. Pokemon an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Disclaimer: I'd love to own Trigun.. But I don't. (Figures .) And I don't own any products I mention, either. But I *do* own this parody series.  
  
Warnings/Notes: 0.o Ack! Gomen for the lack of updating, the holidays are driving me nuts! (Haven't decided yet if this is a good thing or not!) The usual warnings to this bizarre cousin of Excel Saga apply; they get violent w/each other & colorful, rampant curses are sometimes thrown around (along w/various objects ^^) And of course, some shonen-ai thrown in for good measure, between Vash-chan & Nicky-chan. Enjoy & review, onegai?  
  
Weird Quote of the Day: "I am the rightful heir to the flaming global throne of evil. I WILL TAKE THIS WORLD AS MINE.. So if you people could just cooperate, it would be very nice." - Jhonen Vasquez (I thought this sorta applied to Knives-sama, kawaii little psycho-environmental activist that he is ^^) Current Songs in My Head: 'Learn to Fly' by the Foo Fighters & 'I'm Still Here' by John Rzeznik (of the Goo Goo Dolls)  
  
Also: Does Knives have issues? Um, yeah, I think it's pretty obvious! ^^;  
  
This is for Braided Baka Girl & Ale-Bloody-Roses (Arigato for the interesting ideas!)  
  
Trigun Attacks.. Pokemon  
  
(Vash & Wolfwood appear on the 'White Screen of PainTM' yet again)  
  
Vash: Looks like we get to play again, Nick.  
  
Wolf: (Muttering) Depends on what you mean by 'play' Tongari. Just when I thought it was safe to relax for the holidays.. (Looks down when his foot bumps something) Nanio? Now this is odd. (Picks up the oddity, a pink bunny plushie) Is this Milly's or something?  
  
Vash: Um, I think you oughta put that back before -  
  
(Sounds of creative cursing too graphic for this PG-13 rating are coming from off- screen as a familiar evil twin bishonen appears)  
  
Knives: Alright now dammit! WHO THE HELL TOOK KUMA?! (Looks at Wolf w/a twitchy brow) Give him back now or so help me, I'll Angel Arm your ass into next week!!  
  
Wolf: (Sweatdrops & looks to Vash as he holds up the plushie) 'Kuma', I take it? (Vash nods in response)  
  
(Knives stalks over to yank the bunny from the bokushi & snuggles it saying, "Did the big bad Wolfwood hurt you, Kuma-chan?" Wolf's brow twitches at the old nickname)  
  
Knives: Angel-san, aren't we doing something special today?  
  
Author: Yep. Thanks to your kawaii little plushie friend.  
  
(Script drops in Knives' hand & Vash looks pouty)  
  
Vash: (Teary-eyed) B - but Angel-san..  
  
Author: C'mon now Vash-chan, I still love you! Knives-sama & Ale-san wanted him to play the main chara for a change, that's all. And you know how convincing your sib can be, ne?  
  
Vash: Okay, I guess.. (Sighs as Wolf pats him on the back and says, "Well, it was bound to happen, Tongari.") So what is it this time?  
  
Knives: (Giggles as he flips through the script) 'Pokemon', Vashu. This oughta be good and weird!  
  
Author: And there are special players, too. No real *plot* but entertaining anyway.  
  
Wolf: Is this a good time to be occupied elsewhere?  
  
Knives: Put a cork in it, Wolf-boy! This is *my* playtime! Lemme see.. I'm Satoshi, Vashu is Takeshi and *you're* a gym leader named Falkner.  
  
(Meryl & Legato show up, Meryl's pissy again & Leggy-kun's gnawing on some candy)  
  
Meryl: KAMI-SAMA! This is what I get for being friends with weirdos! (Sighs) I knew I should've gone on vacation with Milly!  
  
Legato: (Around crunching his treat) Story-Mistress! Arigato for the candy canes! (Has a slightly creepy happy look on his face)  
  
Author: No prob, Legato-chan. Early Christmas gift. We're still two chara short, though.  
  
Meryl: I didn't get any!  
  
Wolf: (Snickering) With *that* attitude, I'm not surprised! (Vash & Knives are having trouble keeping straight faces. Meryl gives them all an Electric Glare-of-Death yelling, "NANI?!")  
  
Knives: (Giggling) Nothing at all.. (Flips through script) Okay, Legato is gym leader Koga; dateless frigid spider girl is Kasumi. (Meryl flips him off saying, "I don't even wanna know what *you* get!")  
  
(Everyone changes to appropriate costumes and/or dyes their hair & the last two players appear)  
  
Dominique: Alright, are we hallucinating or dreaming?  
  
Zazie: (Gawks at Meryl in her Kasumi outfit like a typical boy) If we are, don't anyone wake me up!  
  
Knives: There you guys are! It's not nice to keep me waiting.. (Checks script again) Dominique, you're gym leader Sabrina, Zazie; you're gym leader Bugsy. (Snickers) Oh this is just *too* funny! (Our two additions are now in costume)  
  
Dominique: (Sighs) Just lovely. The groping blonde outlaw and the smartass bokushi. This isn't a dream; it's a nightmare!  
  
Zazie: (Cozies up to Meryl, who has a twitchy brow) For *you* maybe. Seems like a damn good dream to me!  
  
Wolf: Can we get on with this? And can I even ask just what the hell we're 'fighting' with?  
  
Author: Plushies! Knives-sama needs to defeat the gym leaders and get their halves of the coins in his case.  
  
Vash: Plushies? Angel-san, have you been up too late again?  
  
Knives: Vashu, don't spoil my fun! Kuma will be angry! (Brandishes the bunny & the cast sweatdrops)  
  
Wolf: What'd they put in your cornflakes this morning? Jeez. So what's the deal, anyway?  
  
(Plushies drop into appropriate chara's hands: Wolf gets a thomas, Vash gets a kitsune, Meryl gets a koi, Zazie gets a sandworm, Dominique gets a scary looking bunny-thing w/one big, freaky eye (Like in Vampire Princess Miyu), Legato gets a Kuroneko & Knives of course keeps Kuma)  
  
Meryl: Am I the only person here who thinks this is the most totally inane and pointless one we've done yet?  
  
Wolf: I hate to admit it, but I agree with the carrot-haired cutoff girl.  
  
Author: *That's* the point, Nicky-chan. It's Knives-sama's turn to be the main character and he wanted a part for Kuma.  
  
(Scenery changes to the inside of a Pokemon Gym, w/stands & everything)  
  
Dominique: So, what do we do now?  
  
Knives: (Flips through script) Heh heh. I take each of you gym leaders out, that's what! And Kuma will kick serious plushie ass, right Kuma-chan? (Pets & hugs the plushie. Meryl & Wolf mutter, "Oh brother!" as the others sweatdrop)  
  
Vash: Um, okay then Knivesu, er, 'Satoshi'. Since you're the only one challenging them, 'Kasumi' and I are just gonna go sit this one out. (The aforementioned pair parks it in the front row of the stands)  
  
Knives: Yosh! Let's have the first victim, shall we? (Legato steps up, considers Knives & Kuma for a moment then shrugs, reaches into a pocket & hands him his coin half without a fight. Dominique, Zazie & Wolf facefault)  
  
Wolf: Um, did I miss something?  
  
Dominique: What was the point of that?  
  
Legato: I won't fight against Master. Gomen, Story-Mistress. If you're smart, the rest of you won't either. (Glares at them in warning before going to sit in the stands w/Vash & Meryl. Vash warily shares popcorn w/him)  
  
Author: I understand, Lego-toy. You can keep the plushie if you like cutie. (Legato nods his thanks & Vash regards him out of the corner of his eye, holding his kitsune away from him)  
  
Wolf: (Sweatdrops) I *knew* I should've left when I had the chance!  
  
Knives: You're next, 'Falkner'. (Wolf steps up, brandishing the thomas plushie)  
  
Wolf: Now what?  
  
Author: Special effects, Nicky-chan. I ran over budget, so you'll just have to make do with what's in your pants. (Vash practically chokes on his popcorn, Meryl thumps him on the back while Leggy-kun relieves him of the box. Knives, Dominique & Zazie snicker)  
  
Wolf: (Blushes) URUSAI!! Angel-san, you can't *possibly* mean -!  
  
Author: (Giggles) I meant your *pockets*! Honestly Nicky, you've got such an ecchi little mind! The rest of you, your effects are in your pockets, too.  
  
(Wolf pulls out a Japanese fan w/a raised brow)  
  
Wolf: And I'm doing what with this?  
  
Knives: You're slow on the uptake today. Fan Kuma with an attack, baka! (Wolf obliges, a blank look on his face as he sarcastically says, "Ooo, look at that 'Whirlwind' attack!")  
  
Knives: My turn! (Takes out a few shuriken (Throwing stars) & hurls 'em at Wolf's thomas. Wolf 'eep!'s & misses getting spiked, but his plushie isn't so lucky) Hah! That was Kuma's 'Swift' attack! Hand it over, your plushie's so much stuffed KFC now!  
  
(Wolf, scowling but relieved that it's over, hands him his coin half & joins the others in the stands. Dominique steps up next, holding out her creepy bunny)  
  
Dominique: This is the most bizarre experience of my life. (Takes out a flashlight w/a raised brow) Oookay, whatever. (Clicks it on at Kuma as Knives grins maniacally)  
  
Knives: HAH! Your bunny-from-Hell's 'Psybeam' isn't enough to take down my Kuma-chan! (Pulls out an exaggerated mallet & takes a swing at Dominique's bunny. It's currently orbiting the Fifth moon now)  
  
Dominique: (Sweatdropping) What the hell was THAT?!  
  
Knives: (Giggles & hugs his bunny) That was Kuma's 'Headbutt' attack. (Holds out his hand) Houston, we have a bunny problem! (Dominique rolls her eyes & hands him her coin half, then goes to the stands muttering, "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that cold pizza for dinner.." Zazie's turn now & he swallows nervously, holding up his sandworm plushie)  
  
Zazie: I have a bad feeling about this.. (Looks to the others) Hey, I think I need a hand you guys!  
  
(The five spectators look up from their card game for a sec then set their hands down before clapping for him. Zazie facefaults and yells, "NOT THAT KINDA HAND YOU BAKAS!!" They look at each other, shrug and continue their game. Zazie spouts copious curses at them w/a throbby vein)  
  
Knives: Hey, bug-boy! Your time's up! (Holds Kuma & moves his little paw while he talks through him in a childish voice) "Kuma-chan wants to go fishing! Guess who's the bait?"  
  
Zazie: (Sweatdrops) Oh Kami! I'm gonna die before I finish puberty! (Reluctantly pulls out a can of silly string) The hell?! (Shrugs & sprays it at Kuma)  
  
Knives: (Snorts in contempt as he brushes the stuff off Kuma) How pathetic! Your sandworm's 'Stringshot' isn't gonna prevent this! (Pulls out something that looks like a mini garden rake - only w/razor sharp blades where the harmless rake prongs should be. He slashes at the plushie, Zazie almost passes out)  
  
Zazie: (Teary-eyed) 'Kaasaaan!  
  
Knives: (Squeezing Kuma) I win, I win! That was Kuma's 'Slash' attack! Say 'bye bye' to your nightcrawler, shonen! (Zazie, sniffling, hands over the last coin half & goes to the stands. Knives happily puts the halves he won w/their mates in his case before going to join the others) Arigato for letting Kuma and I play, Angel-san!  
  
Author: You're quite welcome, Knives-sama. Zazie-chan, relax! I'll give you a new toy. (Said replacement sandworm is now in Zazie's hands, who hugs the odd looking plushie)  
  
Vash: Er, Angel-san? I think it's that time again.. (Legato's pestering Wolf w/his Kuroneko plushie, Meryl's fuming because Zazie keeps asking, "So what happened to your chest?" Dominique is falling asleep sitting up & Knives is coloring w/Kuma)  
  
Author: (Sighs) Yep. That it is, Vash-chan... (Everyone is back in his or her 'normal' clothes) Go party guys. Bring me back something cool?  
  
Vash: Arigato Angel-san! And I promise I will! (Pulls a rapidly-getting- pissed Wolf with him, after Legato whomps his head w/his Kuroneko, to keep him from becoming Nicky-origami)  
  
(And so, Dominique wanders off to bed, Meryl threatens to make sure Zazie really *doesn't* live to see the rest of puberty & since Wolf & Vash are out making asses of themselves at a bar, Legato & his Kuro sit down to color w/Knives & Kuma. They have a pretty good time making fun of Meryl & Wolf. And they may have been Crayola'd, but not all of those scribbles were rated 'G'! )  
  
*OWARI*  
  
Long, ne? Gomen! I read the rest of the Trigun manga & got the idea for the coin halves from that. For a better explanation of how Knives got Kuma, see Ch. 4 of 'Adventures of Vash the (mini) Stampede'. (Forgive the shameless plug, onegai?) And since I received so many great reviews & requests, I'm gonna catch up on those first before asking for more, if you guys don't mind? Don't worry, I have no intention of quitting this series! These just take a while to write sometimes, that's all. Arigato for reading & ja ne, minnasan! ^_^ 


	7. Outlaw Stunned

Trigun Attacks.. Outlaw Star an Anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or anything I ruthlessly parody, but I do own this weirdo parody series.  
  
Warnings/Notes: Ack! It's been a while, ne? Anyway, expect the usual from these guys, creative violence and language, not to mention a little shonen- ai. Comedy is strange, isn't it? To everyone who wrote little gifts into their reviews: the boys are enjoying them, I assure you. Ishida Kat-san, arigato for reminding me that the creepy bunny's name is Shiina. (I haven't seen Miyu in a while ^^;) PyroSprite-san, you're *never* devoid of words of wisdom! And Ale-san, yes, our little blonde head case *was* a little hyper, wasn't he? (Blame it on the candy cane stash he shares w/Legato ^^)  
  
Current Songs in my Head: 'Are You In?' by Incubus & a couple naughty holiday songs I keep hearing on the radio. Weird Quote of the Day: "That, my friend, is because it's so full of mercy!" - Nicky-chan in response to the guy unloading his cross to him commenting that it's pretty damn heavy. (That's gotta be my fave Wolfwood line, I could do so much with that one!)  
  
This is for Dragon Queen (Thanks for the jolt to my sleep-deprived muse & Vash-kun is drooling over having his very own donut place now)  
  
Also: What happens when you combine bishis in bathing suits and a lot of snow? Hmm, I think you guys can figure that one out..  
  
Trigun Attacks.. Outlaw Star  
  
(Vash & Knives appear on the 'White Screen of PainTM' yet again, Knives is doodling something in his sketchbook, Vash looks like he didn't get much sleep the previous night)  
  
Vash: Urk, Knivesu, what're you drawing?  
  
Knives: Hmm, I call it a still life. Looky. (Holds tablet out to show Vash, who raises a brow)  
  
Vash: Oookay, now that's just weird. (It's a pissed-looking chibi of Wolf in an apple costume, like in those underwear ads)  
  
Knives: (Giggles) Yep! You should see what I drew the ice princess into! Legato drew a couple good ones, too. He's got a pretty interesting sense of humor!  
  
(Wolf walks on in his pjs & a bathrobe, yawning & scratching the back of his head)  
  
Wolf: Kami-sama, everything's sore! *Why* are we doing this again? You are one cruel onna, Angel-san.  
  
Author: C'mon now, suck it up Nicky-chan. Slight change of pace today, I promised you guys a winter vacation, remember? Are you feeling more calm today, Knives-sama?  
  
Knives: Hai! The aromatherapy Christmas present really helped slow my sugar buzz from all that candy and caffeine.  
  
(Script drops into Vash's hands)  
  
Vash: Finally! It's my turn again. (Flips through script) Hmm, 'Outlaw Star.' I like that show!  
  
(The Insurance Girls appear again, Meryl's smirking)  
  
Meryl: Gee, one ecchi, and spiky-haired, alcohol-chugging, big gun-wielding baka recognizing another?  
  
Milly: Sempai, that's not very nice! Vash-san isn't a baka!  
  
Wolf: (Puts an arm around Vash's shoulders) I agree with the big girl.  
  
Knives: (Snickering & scribbling) Exactly, Wolf-breath. Perverts of the world unite! (The trio of bishis crack up, Meryl rolls her eyes & Milly blushes)  
  
Meryl: *You* need to seek help. Seriously.  
  
Knives: (Smirking) And *you* need to seek a boyfriend! (Brandishes his latest drawing: a chibi Meryl glomping some poor guy who's saying, "I only asked you what time it was!!")  
  
Meryl: (Twitchy-browed) THAT'S IT! I'm gonna draw and quarter you, you sadistic little sketch-artist! (Vash insinuates himself between them, laughing nervously)  
  
Vash: Not now, guys! We've gotta do the story and I've gotta get some sleep soon!  
  
Author: Vash-chan's right, Meryl, don't be so uptight. You'll start to squeak when you walk.  
  
Vash: (Reading on, Wolf's leaning on him, reading half-asleep over his shoulder) Okay.. Hey, it's the hot springs episode! And I get to be Gene, Nick, you're Fred, Meryl's Suzuka, Milly's Melfina and Knivesu's Jim. But Fred wasn't in this one, Angel-san.  
  
Author: Well, I never said this was canon. Besides, there's a special kidnapping, er, guest, another of my favorite bishonen.  
  
(Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing wanders on, looking confused)  
  
Duo: Hee-chan? Quatre? Where the hell am I? And who're you people, anyway?!  
  
Meryl: (Muttering) Welcome to *my* little world, kid.  
  
Vash: Um, konnichi wa! You're playing - oh Kami - Aisha, in our story. (Snickering is heard in the background)  
  
Duo: You've GOTTA be KIDDING me?! (The others assure him they're not) Just freaking great.. Why me?  
  
Author: Fan service, Duo-chan. Besides, what other bishonen has that record- breaking braid? Just go with it and have fun.  
  
(Everyone changes into his/her appropriate costumes, with or without dyed hair & so on)  
  
Milly: Oh, kawaii Duo-san! You look so pretty with a white braid! And those fuzzy, pointy ears and big-belled collar like a plushie! (Glomps Duo, who sweatdrops & looks rather uncomfortable)  
  
Meryl: Gomen! She can't help it sometimes!  
  
Vash: (Sighs) Maybe we should be moving along now, Angel-san? Nick and I wanna go soak away our hangovers.  
  
(Scenery is now the hot springs planet Tenrei, everyone finds themselves in bathing suits; Vash in Gene's famous speedo & knock off Hawaiian shirt combo, Wolf in black trunks & Fred's headband, Knives in trunks w/little pink bunnies on 'em & Duo & the girls in bikinis)  
  
Vash: (Blushing furiously & sweatdropping) Angel-saaan!! This is embarrassing! Nobody wants to see me like this!  
  
Wolf: Speak for yourself, Tongari. This is just an excuse for getting us into our bathing suits, isn't it?  
  
Author: I'm not telling, Nicky. Besides, you look cute in trunks.  
  
Knives: This works; Kuma shorts!  
  
Duo: (Trying to hide behind a beach towel) Jeez, Wufei will *never* let me live this down! I can hear it now, "Maxwell, how could you let yourself be dressed up like an onna? Oh, the injustice of it all!"  
  
Milly: (Blushing & trying to cover up more) Sempai, this bikini is showing far too much of my bosoms! (Meryl mutters, "At least you *have* bosoms.." then brandishes her bokken (wooden sword) at a giggling Knives and Wolf. Knives mutters, "Cherry chest!" & dodges a wild swing)  
  
Vash: (Reads more) I don't get it, Angel-san? Can't we just go play in the hot springs?  
  
Author: In a little while. Don't you want your clothes back first?  
  
Wolf: (Suddenly wide-awake) Whadda ya mean by that? Can't you just set us up like last time? (Vash whispers to him, "I think this *is* a set up, Nick." His brow twitches)  
  
Author: Nope. I figured since Gene gets his best caster shells here after going through all that trouble with the genius pervert and the hidden spa girl; maybe you guys should go up the mountain after your clothes. (Everyone sweatdrops at that)  
  
Duo: Y- you're joking, right? There's SNOW up there!  
  
Meryl: (Through gritted teeth as she drags him & Milly off) Let's just get going already!  
  
(The little band of half-naked bishonen & shojo trudge up the mountain to find the hidden spa. Knives thinks he's being cute by flinging a few well- aimed snowballs at Wolf & Meryl, but they team up & stuff snow down his trunks. His yelps creep up the octave range as Vash & Duo almost roll down the mountain, laughing hard, Milly builds a little snow-Kuroneko)  
  
Knives: (Shivering as he hops around trying to get the snow out) So where the, eep!, hell is this place? (A cracking noise is heard on his last hop & they have precisely three seconds to blink before the ground gives way under them, sending them plunging & screaming like schoolgirls into a wide pool of hot water. They surface, sputtering & gawking)  
  
Knives: Ooo, nice! I thought I was gonna freeze my you-know-whats off. (Settles back to relax against the side)  
  
(A slightly amused voice is heard from the shadows. "I thought you people would never get here!")  
  
Duo: (Grinning as he stands up in the shallows) Hey, I *know* that voice! Wufei! (Wufei steps into the light w/his arms folded across his chest)  
  
Wufei: Yes and Angel-san has told me about this insanity. Hold on a moment. (Pulls out a camera, snaps a pic of Duo, who blinks & blushes) Yuy and Quatre *must* see this!  
  
Vash: (With nothing but his dyed, bristle-head above the water) Anou, do you have our clothes, Wufei-san?  
  
Wufei: Yes, it's safe to come out now. They're in the next room and there's food and hot tea for you all as well. (Duo grins & glomps Wufei, saying, "Arigato, Fei-Fei!" Wufei glances at him from the corner of his eye, not amused much. "Go dry off, Duo.")  
  
(Duo takes off & the others file out, but Vash doesn't get up)  
  
Wolf: Hey, Tongari, don't you want something to eat?  
  
Vash: (Sweatdropping) No, no, I'm fine, really. Go ahead, I'll, um, be there in a minute.  
  
Wolf: (Goes up to him, putting a hand on his forehead) Alright, are you feeling okay? That's the first I've ever heard of *you* passing up a meal.  
  
Author: Vash-chan's got a little problem, Nicky. He sorta lost something when you guys splashed down. Be a dear and get him a towel? (Wolf obliges, trying hard to keep a straight face, Vash sheepishly gets up & wraps the towel around his waist, keeping a death grip on it)  
  
Vash: If Knivesu tries to be cute by stealing my towel.. Well, let's just say it'll be a long, cold, *naked* walk back down the mountain for HIM!  
  
Wolf: (Laughs & drapes an arm over Vash's shoulders) What happened to 'Love and Peace'?  
  
Vash: That would be the 'Tough Love and Peace' version, Nick!  
  
(And so, our resident hooked up bishonen get to change back w/the others & enjoy goodies. Duo begs Wufei not to show the picture to the other pilots, unsuccessfully. Meryl plots to get Knives back for drawing a rude picture of her & flashing it around to the group & Milly shares strawberry Pocky w/everyone in an attempt to prevent any fights. And no one notices the little black cat wandering off, batting around part of a bathing suit like a weird little cat toy..)  
  
*OWARI*  
  
Well, there it is again. Thanks for the reviews & great ideas! And for all you Slayers fans out there, yes I *will* do a parody of it eventually. I've got a lot of catching up to do! Ja ne, minnasan! 


	8. Gundam What?

"Trigun Attacks.Gundam Wing" an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
  
Wow, it's been a long time, hasn't it minnasan? Gomen for the complete lack of updating for, hmm, about maybe four months now? O.o Ack! (My pc source was a complete idiot and totally unreliable, so I'm 'borrowing' time from my local library until I can get a replacement, so I still may be infrequent with updates..)  
  
Anyway, enough about my crap, let's see if I even remember how this goes.. Oh yeah, this is rated PG-13, as always and beware of language and absurd violence. And there may be mild shonen-ai here too, so remember that as well. Hope this posts okay and please enjoy!  
  
Hmm, oh and this is for Braided Baka Girl, who gave me this neat little suggestion. (Hope it's sufficiently weird enough for you ^_^)  
  
Weird Quote of the Day: "Now I know why the short haired girl is so pissed off at you all the time!!" - Wolfwood to Vash after they fall into the sand trap in episode 9, I believe?  
  
Current Song in My Head: 'Can't Stop' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  
Trigun Attacks.. Gundam Wing  
  
(Vash and Meryl appear on the 'White Screen of Pain TM', Meryl looking happy for once)  
  
Vash: Why are you in such a good mood today, Meryl?  
  
Meryl: Because for once, that obsessive little environmentalist of yours won't be bugging me !!  
  
Vash: Oh, that's right, you dislocated his shoulder after he pantsed you in the bar, huh? (Meryl nods, grinning w/ookami fangs, saying 'Milly's hanging out with him in the hospital. Thinks she's gonna teach him to sew, of all things!')  
  
Vash: (perplexed) Oookay, that's odd, but at least it'll keep him busy for a while. (calls off-screen) Hey Nick, you can come out now!  
  
(Wolfwood cautiously comes on, glancing around)  
  
Wolf: Great, a Knives-free day. For once, I'm appreciative, Meryl. (script bops Wolf on the head, he says, 'Itai!' and picks it up) Hey, what's the big deal, Angel-san?  
  
Author: Sorry Nicky, it slipped. Vash-chan, glomp him for a minute, will you? (shrugging, Vash complies just as Wolf reads the packet and says, 'Oh HELL NO! C'mon, we just got back from vacation!') And that's why I asked for your assistance, Vash.  
  
(Vash reads over Wolf's shoulder, struggling to keep him from bolting)  
  
Vash: Hey, we're doing 'Gundam Wing'? That's a great show! (pauses) Oh, I get it.. He's back again, huh? (Wolf nods vehemently and says, 'If you really care about me, you'll let me go before - shimatta! Too late now..')  
  
(Legato coolly strolls on, gesturing to his right, saying, 'Look who I found?' The trio gawks at an unsurprised Duo Maxwell, who was shaking his head and muttering, 'Why the hell does this guy sound so familiar?')  
  
Author: Arigato, Legato-chan. You're not a bad bounty hunter. Welcome back, Duo-chan!  
  
Duo: Like I had a choice? Besides, I wasn't about to loan out my Gundam without keeping an eye on you people. (mutters) And I don't even wanna know who you'd have gotten to play me if I didn't show up!  
  
Wolf: (sighs) Yet another round of weird on the half-shell, coming up. (flips through script) Yosh! No girls this time and can it, Meryl.  
  
Meryl: (snorts) I'm not saying a thing.. Nichole! (Wolf growls and lunges for her, Vash catching him in time)  
  
Wolf: Jeez! You get put in a dress against your will one lousy time and you're never let off the hook! (Duo raises a brow and looks to Legato, who says, 'A long and amusing story, believe me..')  
  
Author: And he was asking for it by not being a good sport. So do read on Nicky, we've got a time limit you know.  
  
Wolf: Fine. Leggo, Tongari, I'm not goin' anywhere. Okay, I'm this Heero Yuy kid, you're this kid named Quatre Raberba Winner, short-stack over there's (snicker) a kid named Chang Wufei and the psychic smurf's playin' Trowa Barton.  
  
Duo: (busts out laughing) Oh Kami, now this'll be funny! Wufei'd be so pissed if he found out a girl was playing his part! (Meryl glares at him and gives him an 'in-your-eye!' gesture, pointing to his braid. 'You're one to talk, braided baka!) Oh, now she sounds like Hee-chan!  
  
(While Duo tries to compose himself, the others wander off to change into their costumes, scenery changes to a big grassy field, w/trees scattered around the boundary)  
  
Author: Well, don't you guys look sharp? Nice shorts, Nicky-chan.  
  
Meryl & Vash: (laughing hard) Spandex-boy!!  
  
Wolf: Urusai!! (blushes) Angel-san, can we please move past this? They all get normal clothes!  
  
Author: Alright, alright. Don't get your (snickers) shorts in a bunch. (The others laugh and snort, even in the face of 'Heero's' 'Glare of Death')  
  
Duo: Um, what's the point now? (gestures to the field) Where are our Gundams?  
  
(The five Gundams; Wing, Shenlong/Nataku, Deathscythe, Sandrock and Heavyarms appear a little ways off. The cast goes towards them - and facefaults)  
  
Duo: The hell?! W-what did you do to my Deathscythe?!  
  
Legato: Story-Mistress, are these toys?  
  
Vash: How kawaii! (picks up Sandrock) Like little model kits or something.  
  
Meryl: Are they supposed to be this small?  
  
Wolf: (grinning) Is that what you say when you look in the mirror while you try on clothes? (ducks when she goes to brain him w/the chibi Shenlong while saying, 'Gee, I was about to ask you the same thing!')  
  
Author: Gomen, guys, I went over budget again. Do you know how many double- dollars it took to get you all to Tenrei? So I had to get four of the Gundams chibi-sized and scrimp on the scenery.  
  
Duo: (holding up Deathscythe, teary-eyed) My poor Deathscythe! Now how does Shinigami get to fight?!  
  
Author: Don't worry, Duo. It just shrank in the wash, that's all. Put it in the dryer on fluff - and run. It'll go back to normal.  
  
Legato: But what are we fighting?  
  
(a scale model of an OZ base appears, along w/remote controls for the Gundams, the cast looks less than enthused)  
  
Wolf: (looks at the others and shrugs) What the hell? Let's do this then.  
  
Vash: Wait, don't we need a villain?  
  
Author: I was gonna let Knives-sama play Zechs - until Meryl made it so he could pat himself on the back - literally.  
  
Duo: But we've gotta fight somebody! Isn't there anyone else in your freaky little theatre troupe from Hell to play his part?  
  
(Conveniently, Kuroneko wanders on, sitting by the remote to the chibi Tallgeese, going, 'Myaa..' Duo and Vash look at each other for a second, then back to the cat. 'Yosh!!' Meryl mutters, 'Good grief!' in the background, shaking her head)  
  
(And so, the 'battle' begins, Wing leading the fight with Shenlong and Deathscythe as backup against Kuroneko's Tallgeese, the little cat putting up a good fight. Sandrock and Heavyarms take out the 'base' itself and the other 'mobile suits'. And of course, in hardly much time at all, the chibi Gundams take out the Tallgeese, Kuroneko giving them a kitty raspberry after)  
  
Duo: Hah! Mission accomplished, right 'Heero'? (turns to Wolf, who smirks and nods)  
  
Vash: Hey, look at this, minnasan! (holds up something he got from the cockpit of chibi Sandrock) It's a plushie Quatre keychain.  
  
Author: The rest of you should check out your Gundams..  
  
Duo: Kawaii! It's a Teeny Shinigami! (his is a little Duo w/bat wings, hat & tiny scythe)  
  
Legato: And I thought I was the only one with problem hair.. (his is a little Trowa)  
  
Wolf: I still don't get how he can wear these shorts.. (his is a little Heero)  
  
Meryl: Hey, this one's pretty kawaii! (hers is a little Wufei w/removable white jacket. And of course, she removes it)  
  
Author: Heh. Now squeeze 'em. You'll see.  
  
(They do so, laughing when they hear the little things talk; Duo says, 'Look, it's Tickle Me Heero!' when he grabs Wolf's keychain and makes it laugh, then squeezes it again so it says 'omae o korosu.' He cracks up when Vash's says, 'Can't we just be friends?')  
  
Meryl: (with a wry look, squeezes hers) 'Injustice!' (mutters) Tell me about it..  
  
Legato: Mine doesn't seem to be working.  
  
Duo: (looks over from making his keychain's little wings flap) Hm? Oh, nah. Trowa's a fairly quiet guy. Trust me, you're not missing too much.  
  
Vash: I think it's that time again, Angel-san.. (watches Meryl & Wolf making Wing and Shenlong 'fight' each other, getting more po'd as it goes on)  
  
Author: (sighs) Yeah. That's enough playtime for one day. You can keep the keychains, guys. (everyone changes back into his or her 'normal' clothes)  
  
(So, Duo takes Deathscythe to the Laundromat (making sure it was empty, of course) to use the dryer on his precious Gundam, hauling ass when it becomes normal-sized again, before he could be caught and sued, Meryl admits she plays with dolls, Wolf and Vash mess with her mind by moving hers around whenever she leaves her room and Legato uses his for, of all things, keys. And of course, no one notices the little black cat w/a little plushie Zechs one on it's collar, walking haughtily away.. 'Myaa..')  
  
OWARI  
  
Well, there it was, hope it turned out alright. Please be patient with me, I'm pretty busy these day, so I can't update regularly anymore. But I'm still writing all those great suggestions you all have been so nice to give me and when I can, I'll definitely post them. Until next time.. 


	9. Vashu Saga

Trigun Attacks.. Excel Saga an anime-parody by AngelDragon  
Wow, I actually got a response from some of my former reviewers.. o.o The shock.. No kidding, I really thought no one would check back on me anymore, but I'm greatly appreciative! Arigato minnasan! The support keeps reminding me to write once in a while.  
  
But anyway, let's see: Standard warnings of general absurdity, language and violence, etc. apply. If I've missed anything, please forgive me as I've not written (typed up) much lately.. And of course, I don't own any of the characters or series I mangle, I just like to play with them a while.  
  
Okay, this is for Dragon Queen, sweetie that she is by still reading ^^ Hope you enjoy this round of weirdness! (and Legato's feeling much better, now that they've adjusted his meds)  
  
Weird Quote of the Day: "In a mad world, only the mad are sane" - Akira Kurosawa (one of my fave live-action Japanese movie directors)  
  
Current Song in my Head: Random radio songs.. with far too many commercials .  
  
Also: Legato needs health insurance.. and Knives just needs help, period ^^  
Trigun Attacks... Excel Saga  
  
(Vash, Legato and Knives appear on the 'White Screen of Pain'TM and read a flyer tacked onto a bulletin board. It says 'I, AngelDragon, hereby give my permission to make the 'Trigun Attacks' fanfic into a parody of Excel Saga.' A little chibi dragon is stamped at the end)  
  
Vash: (scratching the back of his head) Anou, what's this for?  
  
Knives: Oh, I get it! It's what our story's gonna be about, right Angel- san?  
  
Author: Yep, you guessed it, Knives-sama. This one's going to be a little different. (scripts happen for everyone)  
  
Legato: (reading through) I've seen this series, Story Mistress. It's very funny. (Vash looks at him w/a raised brow)  
  
Vash: I didn't think you found anything that wasn't weird or twisted funny.  
  
Knives: Then apparently you haven't seen this show, Vashu!  
  
Vash: (flips through script) Wow, this is a weirdo series, isn't it? So who's.. who..? Oh not again! I'm playing this Excel girl? But I don't wanna be a girl!  
  
Author: Come on now, Vash-kun, it's okay! (Vash stalks off to change clothes, comes back) See? She doesn't even wear a dress or anything.  
  
Knives: Ooo, who do I get to be? (reads more) Yosh! Finally I get to play an evil genius!  
  
Legato: Who, Master? Oh, I know now, Ilpalazzo, right? (Knives nods enthusiastically and practically skips off to change) Well then, I play this girl, Hyatt. And unlike some people, I don't have a problem with it.. (Gives Vash a look as he goes to change)  
  
Vash: (pouting) So where's Nick? And the girls?  
  
Author: They went to Vegas for a couple days. Milly wanted to learn to play poker and Nicky and Meryl wanted to catch the shows. But don't worry, this'll still be strange, 'cause I get to play with you boys this time.  
  
(The scenery changes to ACROSS' underground base, Knives and Legato came back in their costumes. A little zipper appears in mid air and unzips into a typical 'black hole', then a rope ladder is thrown out of it and I happen to climb down it)  
  
Author: Konnichi wa, shonen! (All three of 'em facefault) Oh right, I forgot you guys haven't 'seen' me before. (Picture a 5' 4'' girl w/a nearly three foot long chestnut-brown braid, doubly-pierced ears and blue-gray eyes)  
  
Vash: So that's what you look like! Hey, you're kinda short, aren't you?  
  
Author: (folds arms across chest and glares up at him) Hey, so sue me. We can't all be six feet tall and I'm playing Nabeshin, by the way. (Kuroneko comes in in a Menchi-costume, hops up into Vash's arms) And there's Menchi!  
  
Legato: But Story Mistress, Nabeshin has an afro.  
  
Author: Yeah, I know Lego-kun, but I've got the same kind of lethal dandruff. (pulls out a spear from the braid) See? (The bishies sweatdrop)  
  
Knives: Point taken! Wish I could do that! (Vash mutters, 'You would..') So now what happens?  
  
Legato: Master, if I remember right, this is when Ilpalazzo sends Excel and Hyatt on a mission.  
  
Knives: Oh right. Hold on a sec.. (reads on, snickering and grinning) One mission of pointless, city-conquering insanity coming up!  
  
Vash: (petting costumed Kuro) Um, Angel-san, what's with this 'dog'?  
  
Author: Menchi's your emergency food supply 'Excel' and call me 'Ryuten', like 'Nabeshin' but from ' tenshi ryuu', (AngelDragon in Japanese) okay? Just for this little fic trip though.  
  
Vash: (sweatdrops) Ack! I can't eat a kawaii little puppy!  
  
Knives: What if 'she' was carrying around a bag of donuts? ('Menchi' produces a bag of said pastries from behind 'her' back with a 'Myaa!')  
  
Vash: (hypnotized by the moving bag) Yuummy.. Must.. follow.. puppy..  
  
Author: There he goes again.. Ready 'Ilpalazzo'?  
  
Knives: Oh yeah! (stands in front of Ilpalazzo's chair while Vash and Leggy stand at the base of the platform it's on, I just kinda stand off to the side to wait)  
  
Vash & Legato: Hail Ilpalazzo!  
  
Knives: Glad you two could make it and I see 'Excel' brought the walking bento box.. ('Menchi' sticks 'her' tongue out at him while playing keep- away w/Vash for the donuts) And since ACROSS is on a budget, today's mission will be shown to you through the medium of a pop-up book. (brandishes a huge book from behind his chair and sits down to read. The title is 'My Little-Giant Pop-Up Book Of Hostile Takeovers')  
  
Legato: (telepathically to Vash) I recognize that one! Master used to read it to me when I was little.. Those were happy times.. sighs (Vash & Kuro are stunned and stare at him, Vash replies telepathically, 'You played with pointy things as a child, didn't you?' and Legato nods, smiling)  
  
Knives: (twitchy-browed) Excuse me 'onna' but the supreme leader says it's story time, not 'passing mental notes' time! (clears throat) Now as we know, it's our goal in ACROSS to purge this city of the ignorant spider masses, ne? (true to character, Legato passes out, but I slide him a pillow before he gets a concussion)  
  
Vash: (hugging the struggling 'Menchi' in shock) W - what just happened?! Did he just croak?! Is that blood?!  
  
Knives: Hey 'Hyatt', are you still listening or what?  
  
(Vash bends over to check on the out-cold bishi when he suddenly sits up, making Vash yelp like the girl he's dressed as and jump back from him)  
  
Legato: Of course, 'Ilpalazzo'- sama. Please continue. (wipes mouth like Hyatt does, complete w/squeaky sound effect)  
  
Vash: Don't do that!! You nearly scared the donuts outta me!  
  
Author: Relax 'Excel', he's just in character. Sorta.  
  
Knives: As I was saying, since that spider infestation is the problem, ACROSS is the solution. Now look at the pretty pictures and see what you're supposed to do this time. (holds up the book for us to see; it's a picture of a couple kids w/bowls of cereal standing around a kawaii chibi bunny, one of them looks like he's sharing with the bunny) Do you know who this bunny is?  
  
Vash: (holds up a hand) I know, it's the bunny from the Pranks cereal commercials! (goes 'eep!' when Legato passes out again and leans on him, tries to keep him standing)  
  
Knives: Hai! You've been promoted from toilet cleaner 'Excel', for answering correctly. But look at this. (moves flap on the side of the page and the bowl is taken from the bunny and makes the bunny spout manga-style teary waterfalls. A little dialog balloon is above the thieving child that reads 'Silly usagi, Pranks are for kids!')  
  
Legato: (recovering again) That would be the cereal commercial, 'Ilpalazzo' - sama.  
  
Knives: Exactly! I knew you had more than looks going for you. You'll end up being my second if you keep this up.  
  
Author: (sharpening spear pulled from braid) No comment, it's just too easy..  
  
Vash: (sweatdropping) Oookay.. Anou, what does a cereal commercial have to do with conquering the city? (rope drops from the ceiling by Knives, he goes to pull on it) Not that it matters or anything!! (rope isn't pulled)  
  
Knives: This starving bunny has been mercilessly teased and tortured by those sadistic little spider brats for years, all because he's not one of them! (twitchy-browed and ookami-fanged) 'Pranks are for kids' my ass! I'll prank them!  
  
(We all sweatdrop and stare at Knives, who calmly closes the book and puts it away)  
  
Legato: 'Ilpalazzo' - sama, our mission is to aid the bunny, ne?  
  
Knives: In a way.. These ads are reinforcing the anti-bunny behavior in the ignorant masses, making them believe they're somehow more entitled to having cereal than non-humans. Nobody screws over a bunny when I'm around, dammit! So, your mission is to infiltrate the Pranks cereal company and put the fear of Kami - sama into them with these. 'Ryuten' - san, if you would?  
  
Author: No prob. (Wheels over a metal box w/only a few air holes & a well- locked door to it, pulls a carrot from braid)  
  
Vash: Vegetables? Spears? That's some dandruff girl! But what's in the box?  
  
Author: (puts on a metal gauntlet elbow-length glove) Watch this.  
  
(I lower the carrot through an air hole, sounds of snarling, snapping and hellish growling ensue, box rattles then is quiet. When the remains of the carrot are pulled back up, it's just the greens)  
  
Legato: They're feisty today.  
  
Vash: (sweatdropping) I can tell, but that doesn't answer the question.  
  
Knives: This is what they are, 'Excel'. (holds up a kawaii little gray and white bunny w/yellow eyes) I call him Yukito, isn't he cuddly?  
  
Vash: Yeah, but he's not exactly, um, scary.  
  
Author: I believe Yukito is hungry, don't you agree 'Ilpalazzo' - sama? (takes another carrot over to Knives and his little friend)  
  
Knives: Yes, he never does seem to get full. (holds Yukito up to the carrot; the little guy sniffs at it then opens his mouth wide to reveal huge fangs and teeth and strips the carrot to the greens in seconds, then burps and grins)  
  
Vash: (speechless, 'Menchi' shaking in his arms, protecting the snacks)  
  
Knives: Since I've proved the point of the scary little bunny, you guys should go now and let loose the usagi of war! (Legato pets the bunny while I coax Vash out of his catatonic state by waving a donut under his nose)  
  
(The girly-bishies and I head to the cereal company while Knives lounges in his chair playing a handheld video game called 'Puny Wolf')  
  
Knives: I love this game! (On the little screen you see a chibi Wolfwood and Meryl running from a couple white tigers in flashy collars on a stage, screaming 'Why?!', then a CG of chibi Milly at a poker table saying 'Not again! I'm gonna lose m' shirt now!' She shrugs, puts her cards down and begins to unbutton her shirt) Heh heh.. Her cards aren't the only flush at that table! Naughty, naughty, somebody's been hittin' the sake again!  
  
(Cutting back to the cereal company, we're experiencing technical difficulties: we lost Vash when he went chasing after 'Menchi', complaining he hadn't eaten in days)  
  
Author: Well, looks like it's up to us..  
  
Legato: (coughing) I will do my best to complete the mission.. (zonks out again, I grab him before he gets too close to the lethal bunnies)  
  
Author: Jeez.. Okay then, I'll wing it, you chill here a bit. (picks lock on door to building, wheels box of bunnies inside. Just as I go to unlock the box, a sense of impending disaster makes me turn around..)  
  
Vash: (pursuing Kuroneko who's got the donut bag in his mouth, running inside) Onegaaaiii, come back, donut inu!!  
  
Author: (sweatdropping) Oh. Crap. (dodges just as 'Menchi' leaps over me and the box, evading Vash who crashes into it. The box gets shoved off to crash into the side of a huge vat of cereal, causing the usagi to escape and they run amuck, sending cereal flying as they chow down)  
  
Vash: Um, oops..!  
  
Author: Yes, biig 'oops'!  
  
Legato: (wandering in) Hmm, what fun surprises in the boxes those little ones will be. 'Ilpalazzo' - sama will be happy.  
  
Author, Vash & Kuroneko: (sweatdrop and stare at him)  
  
Vash: Maybe now would be a good time to quit, 'Ryuten' - san?  
  
(Scenery changes back to ACROSS' underground base, we're all back in our 'normal' clothes)  
  
Knives: (playing with Yukito by dangling a little Wolfwood voodoo doll in front of him) Aww.. Is it over already?  
  
Author: Afraid so, Knives - sama. Ja ne, bishonen! It was fun playing with you guys. (they wave bye and I go back up my rope ladder into 'author space', zipping it closed after)  
  
Legato: That was fun, Story Mistress.  
  
Vash: (muttering from behind a donut he scammed from Kuro) Unless you count being teased by a ruthless donut neko..  
  
Author: Glad you enjoyed, Leggy - kun. And you know, it could've been worse, Vash - kun.  
  
Knives: Hey, minna, looky! I taught Yukito a new trick! (waves little Wolf doll over him, Yukito twitches his nose and attacks, then backs off, leaving it in tatters) Good boy! (pats his vicious little head as the bunny burps up a puff of fuzz)  
  
Vash: It's a good thing those dolls don't really work! (is startled when Wolf stalks onscreen, his clothes in shreds, bristling in anger and panting, 'Like - HELL - they - don't! First - tigers - now - THIS?!')  
  
(And so, Vash yet again prevents Nicky from doing something he might not live to regret, Legato and Knives settle in with Yukito to finish reading the big pop-up book and noshing cookies and juice before nap time. And the little black cat carries off his own little Vash voodoo doll with a smug little 'Myaa - yaa..')  
  
#9, 'The Unnatural Usagi Usurpation' Today's experiment.. Almost worked..  
  
~OWARI~  
  
Well, hope this little trip through anime insanity was enjoyed! (Hope you caught all the in-jokes from Excel Saga and a few others..) And thanks again to everyone who keeps on reading, despite my awful lack of timely updates ^^' Since I've been getting an unusual amount of requests for a Kenshin parody, that'll probably be the next one, so stay tuned! Ja, minnasan! 


End file.
